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Author: psycholizard
Pairings: River/Jayne, Simon/Kaylee
Summary: Simon doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. Or does he? Kaylee is frustrated by the lack of romance in her life, or is she? River and Jayne become the unknowing targets of a convoluted and complicated matchmaking plan formulated by the people that know them best: Simon and Kaylee.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Never was. Never will be.
Jayne sat alone in the cargo bay with just his weights for company. Lying flat on his back on the weight bench, he steadily lifted the barbell up and down, breathing in rhythm with his movements. It was a fair thing to say that the mercenary had a lot on his mind right now and was trying to find some semblance of calm. Unfortunately, he wasn’t succeeding and therefore, pushed himself to work out harder, hoping the pain would cause him to forget the cause of his musings.
River.
The girl had been a royal pain in his pi gu since the moment he first laid eyes on her. ‘Cept now he was pretty sure he liked her. Might even love her, although he had no experience with that sort of thing. But the way he figured it, she was a mind reader and he was pretty sure she had picked up on his thoughts earlier in the mess hall. Since she hadn’t mentioned anything yet, it was a fair bet she didn’t feel anything remotely similar to what he did.
Jayne continued his reps, lost deep in thought. He was so preoccupied with his thinking that he wasn’t aware of the Captain’s entrance into the cargo bay until the man’s face suddenly appeared in his field of vision.
“Jesus Mal!” Jayne swore and nearly dropped the barbell on his chest. Using both hands, Mal reached down and helped the merc set the weight in its cradle.
“Scared the bejeesus outta me. Shouldn’t sneak up on a man like that,” Jayne sat up on the bench, his heart pounding from more than just the workout.
“Made plenty of noise, Jayne,” Mal replied, casually standing with his arms folded across his chest. “Wouldn’ta scared you so much if you hadn’t been so distracted.”
Jayne grabbed a towel lying on the floor and wiped the sweat off his forehead, carefully avoiding Mal’s steady gaze.
“See, what I can’t figure out is why you’re so distracted,” Mal continued. “But I got me a couple of theories about that.”
“That right?” Jayne looked up at the Captain and raised an eyebrow. Mal pursed his lips and nodded.
“That’s right,” he answered. “So why don’t you try help me out here?”
“Sure,” Jayne eyed Mal suspiciously, unsure of where this conversation was heading. He watched as Mal began pacing back and forth across the cargo bay.
“See, River was acting a mite odd at dinner tonight, and despite what you said, we both know it wasn’t her usual sort of odd,” Mal began. “So I got to thinking about what exactly precipitated her unusual behavior and I came to a disturbing conclusion.” Jayne stood and folded his arms defensively.
“And what conclusion is that, Mal,” he questioned. Mal mirrored his posture.
“That she was jealous,” Mal commented. “And that you were acting in such a manner as to make her so.”
“Now Mal…” Jayne began speaking, but Mal held up a hand motioning for silence.
“Jayne, I don’t want to hear any excuses,” he interrupted. “All’s I want to hear is what you think you’re doing.”
“There’s no easy way to explain this,” Jayne sighed and ran his hand across his sweaty head. “Basically, I was tryin’ to make Simon jealous.”
“Woah, Jayne,” Mal stepped back with his hands raised. “Wasn’t expecting that.” Jayne’s eyes widened comically as he realized what Mal had inferred from that statement.
“No, no, it’s not like that,” he quickly said. “I was doing it for Kaylee!”
“For Kaylee?” If it was possible, Mal was even more confused now than he was before.
“Alright,” Mal continued. “I think you need to explain everything right from the beginning.”
Sighing, Jayne sat down on the weight bench and began explaining his story.
A few hours later, Zoe found Mal sitting alone in the cargo bay with his head resting in his hands, apparently lost deep in thought.
“Sir?” she questioned tentatively as she approached him. “Is everything alright?”
Mal glanced up at her from his position on the weight bench.
“I don’t know where to begin Zoe,” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I just had the most interesting conversation with Jayne concerning the odd behavior of our little albatross.”
Zoe raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” Mal nodded.
“Care to share, sir, or are you gonna keep me in suspense?” Zoe asked. Mal sighed again as he stood and began pacing the floor.
“It seems our dear Jayne is involved in a plot,” he said with some finality. Zoe crossed her arms over her chest, looking serious.
“A plot, sir?” she questioned.
“Yes, Zoe, a plot,” Mal echoed. Zoe matched her stride to Mal’s pacing.
“Is this a nefarious plot, sir?”
“Of the worst kind.”
“Indeed. And did he share the details of this plot, sir?” Mal stopped his pacing and clasped his hands behind his back.
“He did at that,” came the reply. Zoe stood beside her Captain, waiting for him to continue.
“And…” She was growing very impatient. Mal pursed his lips then leaned forward and whispered the details of the plot in Zoe’s ear. Zoe’s expression remained stoic and impassive as always when she heard the details, but she couldn’t refrain from expressing her reservations.
“Sir, are you sure this is a good idea?” she asked. Mal chuckled as he looked at her.
“Since when have any of our ideas been good?” he shrugged.
“Think he’ll get shot, sir?” A faint hint of a smile crept across Zoe’s face.
*****
River sat in the cooling duct situated between the mess hall and the engine room. It was quiet up here. Peaceful. It allowed her to think free from the interference of the other’s thoughts. It allowed her to find serenity.
Except today it wasn’t working and that frustrated her.
Today her thoughts were muddled and confused and she couldn’t piece the fragments together.
It wasn’t like usual. She knew who she was and where she was. She knew what was reality and what wasn’t. She just didn’t know her own mind. She never had much experience with feelings, always preferring a good book to social interaction. It was times like these when she truly wished she had suffered through those inane parties and gatherings her mother was so fond of hosting.
If she was honest, River found herself becoming more and more bothered by the budding “romance” developing between Jayne and Kaylee, which was quite ludicrous. It wasn’t a real romance and she shouldn’t be bothered. But there was something deep inside her that hated watching Kaylee and Jayne interact, despite the knowledge that it was all a farce. She could no longer deny that what she felt was beyond a sisterly concern for her brother’s feelings.
Taking a deep breath, she began crawling toward the engine room. She was determined to discuss this perplexing matter with Kaylee and hopefully come to a satisfying resolution to her problem. If all went well, Kaylee would be able to shed some light on this issue she was facing, or perhaps even scrap the plan altogether. River definitely preferred the latter option as it meant Jayne would go back to sittng next to her at dinner.
Gradually, River made her way over to the duct above the engine, but stopped short when she heard voices. Quietly, she crept toward an open grate that looked down over the engine room. She peered through the metal grate and her jaw dropped at the sight before her. Jayne and Kaylee were alone together and were deep in conversation. River knew it was wrong to spy on them and that the best course of action would be to make her presence known. However, given the circumstance, she currently felt that observation was the best course of action. Of course, they were more than likely just discussing the plan, in which case, listening in wouldn’t do any harm.
“So how’s the plan workin out, Kaylee?” River felt a shiver run down her spine as the sound of Jayne’s rough and gravelly voice floated up. River found it strange how a person’s speech pattern could affect the physical reactions of another person, yet Jayne’s did just that.
“Not working out at all. I don’t know what to do,” Kaylee replied from her position under the engine. River watched as Jayne sat down on the floor against the wall and sighed.
“I dunno. I was kinda hopin’ it’d have worked by now,” he answered. Kaylee scrambled out from the underside of the machine and crawled over next to him. Sitting down beside him, she leaned her head on his shoulder.
“It’ll work out,” she answered looping her arm around his bicep. River’s eyes narrowed at the physical display. This wasn’t part of the plan. No one was watching. There was no need for them to be so close. Jayne reached over and clasped Kaylee’s hand in his bigger one.
“Yeah, but this is getting’ to be all manners of frustrating, ya know?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I’m just worried about how River seems to be taking this,” Jayne said after a moment. River sat up in surprise when she heard his comment. A small smile began to creep across her face before she could stop. She couldn’t help the swell of happiness that burst through her at the realization that the big ape-man was concerned about her. This was a most interesting development.
“Oh don’t worry about her,” Kaylee rolled her eyes and sighed. “She knows the plan. She’s fine.”
“She just seems to be a mite off, is all,” Jayne continued. His eyebrows furrowed together and a look of something akin to concern crossed his face. Kaylee smirked and raised an eyebrow.
“Like you said in the mess, it’s River.” River leaned back against the duct wall and crossed her arms, her lip sticking out pitifully. She pouted like a petulant child. What exactly did Kaylee mean by that comment? She peered out through the grating as the voices below continued speaking.
“Maybe we need to up our game a l’il. You know, speed things up a bit. Don’t want this carrying on too long,” Jayne was saying.
River’s eyes narrowed as she watched the scene unfold below. She felt a tinge of jealousy shoot through her stomach as Kaylee leaned up against Jayne’s side.
“Funny you should say that,” Kaylee giggled. “How do you suggest we up our game?”
Jayne smiled down at the perky blonde and wrapped his arm around her.
“I dunno. What makes a person jealous?” he replied.
River turned away, her eyes brimming with tears. She just couldn’t watch anymore. It was all becoming so clear to her. Kaylee liked Jayne. She enjoyed flirting with him and playing with him, even though she was in a relationship with Simon. It was awful and River didn’t know what to do with this new information. There was no denying what she had seen. It was as clear as a morning on Greenleaf. Taking a deep breath, she began crawling back into the depths of the cooling ducts. She needed to think.
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